• Rebecca Watts

Be the person you want to be around

We all have that person that we just love being around, spending time with. They just seem to ooze energy, make us happy, make us laugh or just make us feel safe and warm.

What energy do you give off?


Our mindset and how we express ourself has a direct impact on the connections we make with people and our surroundings. These connections are vital for our physical and mental health.

We all know that when you spend time with people, some make you feel good about yourself and some just drain your energy. How do people feel about spending time with you? How self aware of your own energy are you?


Awareness of your own energy

No one intentionally goes out giving bad energy (well you would hope not!), expressing themselves in a negative way. Its a subconscious action that is usually dictated by our day to day stresses, our emotional balance and how we manage these. It is likely that you wouldn't even be aware that your energy is bad and you are expressing your self in a negative way. Being self aware of how you portray and express yourself is a rare skill, analysing your own feelings, emotions, and actions can be difficult for many people.

So how do you start?

Expression can come from may ways, your posture, your facial expressions, your mood and energy levels. Words spoken can be effected by your attitude, your compassion and thought for others. It doesn't matter what comes out of your mouth it is not reinforced with your attitude, your energy and your actions.

Think about each of these, think about how you come across to others.

Becoming self aware is thought provoking


Express positive energy

It would be great if we could wake up every morning with a spring in our step, jump out of bed and be positive the rest of the day.

Unfortunately, we all have day to day stresses, past experiences, moods and emotions that can get in the way sometimes. Don't think that person who oozes energy, that you love to be around doesn't have these - they do. Its just that they have learnt to manage them differently. We are all wired very differently, so being positive can be easier for some people, but it can also be learnt like a habit. The more you practise it, the more it becomes the norm. Here are a few things to think about to help you get started on building positive habits


Body language and facial expressons

A really simple thing to start working on is our body language. You don't even have to be in a good mood to start, but its likely the effect of the actions ill improve your mood. Smile - smiling is one of the simplest things you can do to put you in a better mood. Its also very contagious. Start you day with a smile, even if you are on your own. Try looking in the mirror first thing every morning and smiling at yourself. You can even throw in some positive intentions for the day too - i will shine, i can achieve this, i am happy. Posture - throw in some good posture to see the difference to your confidence. Stand tall, shoulders back and head high, and don't forget the smile - can't you just feel the positive energy already?

Energy Levels

From a more physical aspect, your personal energy, your self expression can be hugely effected by your physical energy levels. If you are tired and worn out, you will show that - you will slump down, give off bad vibes, your emotional energy will be drained and you will drain others. Thus, it is just as important that you manage your physical energy as well as your emotional ones.

- Make the effort to get enough sleep - 7 to 9 hours,

- Fuel your body properly - eat enough food and ensure its the good stuff

- Exercise - exercise has been proven to increase your energy levels

- Have fun - if you do things that you enjoy, make you laugh your energy levels will increase.

- Manage stress - stress can zap your energy so try to find ways to manage it, meditate, yoga, relaxing time, massage


Past experiences

Life isn't all roses, it throws a fair share of bad at us too. Our life experiences build who we are, make us stronger and wiser. Without them we wouldn't grow but it is important that you use them positively, learn from them, and don't let them hinder your present and future. Im not saying letting go of hurt, anger, grief is easy, but so often we let these change our emotions, behaviours and moods which can have an immense effect on our energy and how we express ourselves. Friends will always be there to help you through bad times but often pull away from people that hang on to those experiences.


People all around the world suffer everyday, its part of human nature. That person next to you on the train is probably going through something difficult too, it doesn't matter if its bigger or smaller than your difficulty, the point is it is your difficulty and your emotions that are suffering. But understanding that we are not alone, we all suffer, we all fear, we are all connected, should help you not feel so alone in your struggle.


We all need time to heal, face our stresses and bad experiences but if you feel you are struggling to move on, hanging on to long or they are effecting you energy, a simple exercise to work on is gratitude and appreciation. Appreciating the world / people around us, being grateful for what we do have. Remember, its the small things that often matter.

Every morning, think o something that you are grateful for that day, it may be the sunshine, it may the sloppy wake up kiss you got from your dog, it may even be the clean fresh glass of water that you drank to wake yourself up. There is always something to be grateful for. At the end of each day, list 3 things that made you feel good, that you appreciated. Maybe its a text from a friend wishing you good luck, maybe it was the 5 minute walk in the park at lunch, the pat on the back from your boss, oe even the smell of coffee in the coffee shop. Again, remember the small things. Once you start thinking of every small thing that makes you feel good, feel grateful, you start to appreciate what you have, what you can do and start to let go of the past and the emotions and energy that go with it.


Positive energy

Working on positive energy isn't as simple as saying I'm going to be positive. It is working on your body behaviour, your past experience, you gratitude and appreciation, your mindset.

Your mind set can be a little harder to change, but the first step is understanding it, the realisation of your mindset and energy, then changing how you think, react. Here is a couple of starters to thinking about and changing your mindset.


Positive thinking - People often think that smiling, laughing, joking and being happy is a positive attitude but it often goes deeper than that. You need to think positive, and portray that to others.

A great example that i hear all the time in the fitness industry is "i can't"- I can't do that. Ok so there is always something that we can't do, but how do we know until we try, is that can't a cannot do now or ever? A negative attitude will use the words "i can't" frequently, where a positive attitude will use the words "i can" or maybe "how can i". If you use the words "i can't" enough times you drain your own and also the energy of people around you. It is closing down opportunity. Often it may not be that you can't, just that you don't want to.

Every time something is difficult - before "i can't comes out of your mouth", think "how can i" - think of ways you can. It may not be achievable that day but maybe you can do something that day that is a step closer to "i can".


Being accountable for yourself can also be a big part of positive thinking, understanding we are responsible for our own life, not giving blame elsewhere, finding solutions to our problems rather than using them as excuses. A perfect example of this is TIME.

If i had a £1 for every time i heard someone say that they don't have the time, whether this be to exercise, to prepare healthy food, to do something for themselves, to meet with a friend.

In reality, time is never really a reason, its and excuse. We all have time, its just a choice as to what we do with that time.

In todays society there are very few people who aren't busy with work, family.

However, most people have time to spend hours a week scrolling through Facebook, to sit in front of the TV at night, go down the pub for a couple of hours after work, or have that lay in at the weekend. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Everyone has their own priorities and that is your choice, but you cannot use time as an excuse, the reason is you probably don't want it enough to make time. You haven't got time because you would prefer to do something else is a better answer.

If you really want something, you will think

"how can i fit that in" NOT "i can't fit that in"

Have a think, do you use time as an excuse? Think about your priorities, how you spend your time? Where you use time as an excuse - do you really want this? If so, reconsider your time priorities and work out How.


Your word and intent

Lastly, how you express yourself how you come across to others can be from your tone, your compassion and your words. Someone who lacks compassion and empathy for someone, who doesn't listen, who would rather talk about themselves, is not someone you will be drawn to.

You need to connect with the person, express compassion, listen, share, understand, enjoy the persons company. Expressing these qualities, expresses good energy, drawing people to you. Telling the truth is also one of these qualities, being honest but with compassion, being trustworthy and respectful. Enjoying other peoples company, comes with being more self aware, confident, positive. Positive word and intent will flow much easier when you worked on the other elements of your energy.


Being more grateful, less resentful, less angry, thinking more positively, having more energy will not only be great for you, this positive energy will then draw people to you, passing on positive energy.

Connecting with people itself has been shown to improve physical and mental wellbeing.

Win, Win situation - share the energy


© 2017 REBECCA WATTS